SongFic[June] "What is real - just a dream"

I can't be
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing

Her feet were begging her to sit down, but the anxiety that fueled her would not relent. Jaqlyn was crashing again, and this time no comfort would come from the voices in her head.

Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

There was so much momentum to her thoughts, one turned to the next which turned to the next. It was endless and cycling, she slid down against the wall in her ship. There was silence all around her and the echoes of her former selves faded into the pausing of her heartbeats. Now her hands were trembling, denying her the ability to simply slip into rest.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

How many times had she flirted with the edge of sanity? How close had she come to the verge of what she now let herself fall into?

This is over my head
But underneath my feet

Breathe, Jaq. In an out. It was simple yet oh so challenging...For with each breath out she felt how empty her body was, and with each breath in, she re-committed herself to living.

Cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

One does not simply sub come to their subconscious' desires, they are undermined by them. Every day that she had lied to herself and said that she was fine, that everything would be okay, was just one more reason for her psyche to collapse. In a city with so many people, it was a marvel that she managed to feel so alone. The pit she was clawing at the sides of was one she had dug herself. Living under the crippling fear of rejection, she drew herself away from instances in which she might be rejected. One by one her friends turned away from her, not because they wanted to, but because Jaq gave them no reason to stay.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream

Jaqlyn lifted her trembling hands to clutch at her temples, fingers going back into the onyx strands that capped her head. She was so frightened by her current state and yet she couldn't flee from it. Staying here, wallowing in this misery, that is what she assigned herself to endure. She wasn't worth rescuing, after all.
Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in

Don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Would no one come for her? Who was left? Acquaintances? Could she not be her own champion? Surely not. Not when she couldn't string two logical statements together.

Cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

A swallow was pushed hard down her throat as she took in a pill. Like candy, she took in another tablet and another, crowding her tight throat with the drugs. This would help, yes...Numb it all away.

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream

There would be no end to it. Tomorrow wouldn't come until she could exist in today. The trembling took over her whole form as she slowly curled on the metal floor of her empty ship. No one would find her here and the fallacies of her mental state would play out as a dream for her.

What is real
Just a dream

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