Why Online Dating Is Hard For A Writer - Writing & Speaking Articles ...

by ElizabethGreentree

According to Terry Pratchett, writing is the most fun you can have by yourself. And I definitely agree with this, especially if it involves chocolate as well. The only problem is that it is also all by yourself. This tends to make you a little bit strange and sometimes lonely. That is why online dating can look so attractive to a writer.

Straight away some friends suggested it would be an interesting topic to write about. Yes, yes it would. The readers would love that, as who doesn't like reading about other people's romantic failures? But there is one slightly problem with the idea. I would have to put myself, as a woman, into my writing. That's fine, I thought, I do that all the time.

When I sat down to write the first post I realized how uncomfortable it was even just admitting I had joined up. Oh, I know, everyone does it. It's okay, accepted. My sister's best friend's brother knows someone who met their soul mate online. Which is all true. But we all know that underlying these statements there is a fascination with internet dating because you only do it if you're desperate. It is great to hear of someone else doing it, but it's much hard to admit you are the one that needed it.

In writing about my online adventures, I am basically admitting to the world that I have despaired of meeting anyone in my day to day life. And while I am a writer and spend a lot of time by myself, obviously you realize there must be some men in my life. I still go to work, to church, to conferences and the gym, the ever popular supermarket and cinemas. What about the men in these places?

To sign up to internet dating is to say to the world 'all men that actually know me have rejected me and I'm not really okay with that.' This is of course self-pitying, as I have obviously rejected a few of them in return. Regardless of this fact, it is still hard to say out loud. Which is strange. As a writer, you would think I would be used to laying myself bare in my own work. But this is different.

It is hard because I've realized that to be honest, to be truthful as writer, I shouldn't hide behind fiction. I might be able to disguise myself behind some amusing quips and self-deprecation. But as writers, isn't the point to speak of the emotions others are not game to discuss? A lot of writers take this to mean showing the sex and the swearing. However that is the easy part. Anyone can do that, it takes very little bravery. What I mean is laying yourself on the table and saying 'look at my private parts. Compare and see that you are not strange, you have just never been shown this before.' But it is not the physical private parts people now need to see, but the private parts of soul and psyche. The little wounds and gaping holes, that lay so hidden in most people that it looks like everyone else has it all worked out.

I could, of course, do this display with an arrogant swagger, pretend I didn't care, being on display is totally fine because I love myself. But is that really helpful when someone feels isolated and strange? To say to them 'you can look, but if you feel uncomfortable about it, there must be something wrong with you.'?

So being a writer and being a woman are bother harder than I thought. I have an obligation to all other women to be honest, to admit to the pain and the self-doubt. Open myself up to criticism in order to show what is true. So here goes.

I've signed up to online dating, because I am lonely. I have met some great men already, and some who are slightly damaged just like me. I try in my communications with them to be funny, intelligent, witty and entertaining. However, I admit to you as writer and woman, I'm scared.

Source: http://writing.articletree.info/writing-a-speaking/2386-why-online-dating-is-hard-for-a-writer

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